Lesson Four:
Four is Always Something More
Inside secrets to drinking and drunks.
How to know what’s what … who’s who … and what to do.
Straight to the wannabe section…
Already know what makes a drinker drunk?
Answer my bitter quiz questions correctly and jump to lesson five!
How much liquor can a drinker have before driving ?
To be sure a drinker is under the legal limit of .08 BAC they can have no more than one drink. Don’t think you can get there in one drink? Don’t drink martinis or long island iced teas!
If you're not driving can you drink as much as you want?
Drinking not only affects the gross motor skills considered necessary for driving responsibly, it also makes a person emotional and illogical which results in very unpredictable behavior. Once legal age you may be able to drink as much as you want but you are also completely and legally responsible for the actions that follow because intoxication is a voluntary state which provides no excuse for debauchery.
How many drinks does the average drinker have?
The average drinker has four or more drinks on any given outing. Some drinkers routinely consume into double digits and others even the high teens. This type of tolerance (often thought of as a sign of accomplishment) is indicative of the addiction that is prevalent in most boozers.
What does it mean when you shut someone off?
Shutting or cutting someone off means ending a drinker’s access to alcohol. Drinking can make a person behave in ways that make it necessary for someone else to step in and end their consumption. In a retail establishment there are laws that govern proper service of alcohol and the provide the bartender, server, manager or owner the ability (and in fact obligation) to stop service of alcohol when a drinker overconsumes. Shutting someone off is the way to begin limiting liability associated with an intoxicated patron which extends to all involved…not just the drinker.
Only bars and restaurants have to worry when drinkers become drunks, right?
NO! Many people make the mistake of thnking that only bars and restaurants need to worry when drinkers become drunks but that is not the case. Anyone and everyone associated with having alcohol present and/or available can be held responsible if things go wrong because there is no way to opt out of the responsibility. ‘Please drink responsibly’ transfers all of the liability to the consumer of the booze and ALL of the people involved in the consumption can also be found at fault especially if the consumer is not of legal age.
Aced my quiz? Nothing for you to see here! Bounce on to the next bitter quiz and try your luck there.
Some people just don’t understand how things work in the booze business and if you spend any time behind the bar you are bound to come across them. One night found me serving some bozo the imported beer he asked for and as I requested the required four dollars he responded
“Four bucks! I could buy a whole six pack for that and have you serve it to me at home!”
First of all, a six pack of that beer is nine bucks so you are WRONG right out of the gate.
Second, you couldn’t get me to serve you shit at your house for thousands of dollars. Tips may pay my bills but I don’t work for you, I work for the man (aka management) so don’t get it twisted.
Third, the amount of money charged for that beer has little to do with the cost and everything to do with the price.
The cost of selling liquor involves the charge for the item and the fees associated with serving it but the price reflects the consequence of becoming involved in your intoxication. We bartenders want to make money and so do all the fat cats involved in selling booze for profit but we all know that, unlike all other industries, we are complicit in your intoxication and liable (in many ways) for your resulting behavior.
This results in a huge responsibility for which we must be compensated … capiche?
If all it took to be a bartender was knowing what drinks to serve then my job here would be done.
Of course it is not that easy because drinkers plus drinking can sometimes make drunks and if it’s your mess…you must clean it up!
Now that we know the barlingo let us get a lay of the land.
over the limit
The boozing business is built on the back of routine drinkers. For these people, drinking is an essential element of their social scene and a consistent requirement in their dietary plan. Drinkers know that alcohol is intoxicating and willingly engage in the behavior repeatedly and regularly to varying degrees of success.
In order to maintain control society has established MANY laws to govern those that drink and those that provide drinks. As early as 1906 laws have been developed to set standards of acceptable drinking behavior and, in 1980, the breathalyzer arrived,
The legal limit of BAC (blood alcohol content) in the US is .08. At this level, the gross motor skills are impaired and the driver is ruled pass the legal limit and subject to fines, fees, arrest and judgement.
The only way a drinker can be assured that they are under that limit is to have only one drink. After this point, one’s level of intoxication can only be estimated and is ultimately subjective. A drinker will always overestimate their sobriety and begin to engage in the delusion and denial that forms the foundation of many a drinker’s outing.
under the influence
Once a drinker has had more than one drink any number of things can occur. Alcohol causes intellect to lower and emotions to heighten and as intoxication progresses illogical and unpredictable behavior can result. Some drinkers are anxious and may be full of thoughts that race nonstop only to be slowed by a few glasses of red wine. Others are self conscious or socially awkward and need a few drinks to relax their mind and allow for comfort, joy, or enthusiasm to occur in group settings.
For others, sobriety is a state that brings pain to their sensitive soul and only when they have a buzz on are they able to enjoy life in any measure. Some were raised in a drinking environment where boozing is an every day thing making a sober lifestyle seem as foreign as an alien spaceship.
Equally as disparate are the results of this intoxicated state. Some of us laugh or dance, others engage in intense conversation or pornographic texting. You might find a drinker wearing a lampshade on their head or crying in a corner. Typical boozers are apt to promise to do one thing or not do another only to find themselves abandoning their commitments after a couple of cocktails.
This unpredictable behavior is how many a drinker finds themself on the side of the road with a cop blowing into a breathalyzer even though they swore they would never drink and drive.
three critical words
Even though every drinker knows that intoxication leads to illogical and unpredictable behavior that does not cause any hesitation. What should be cause for pause is the phrase ‘please drink responsibly’. These three little words have a huge meaning. These three words allow makers and distributors of alcoholic beverages to shift the consequences of intoxicated behavior from provider to imbiber. Intoxication is a voluntary state and these three words insure that the drinker is held responsible for their drunken actions ever though everyone knows that they are operating in an altered state of low intellect and heightened emotion.
As a result, drinking is risky behavior but most serious boozers combat this reality with equal measures of delusion and denial. We delude ourselves into thinking that we are different and special; that we are entitled to booze and party enjoying a constant stream of fun and excitement without any downside. Some of us feel that we are ‘really good drinkers’ who fool ourselves into thinking that we can handle our booze better than other humans. Denial is useful when any negatives are considered and is often exhibited in statements such as ‘it won’t happen to me’ , ‘ I’m totally fine to drive’ or ‘ being drunk had nothing to do with it.’
Although delusion and denial serve the routine boozer well they do absolutely nothing to change the legal ramifications or social judgement that accompanies and follows some drunken antics. In fact, once a certain level of intoxication is reached everything else is ignored or considered secondary.
‘Please drink responsibly’ really means please drink and you will be held responsible for EVERYTHING…nothing else will be considered a factor.
four is always something more
Learning the lay of the land will include encountering one type of drinker more than any other. This is the boozer who drinks at least four (and usually more) cocktails regularly and routinely.
Some of us are born with sensitive souls or subject to trauma which causes long term problems. We find ourselves to be uncomfortable in our own skin. Tragic moments of our life found us removed from our physical being – watching ourselves from above – separating self from soul to survive. This is called dissociation.
Most huge boozers have a history of early trauma which left us split and looking for something outside of ourselves for comfort. Others are born into a boozing lifestyle, see others self medicating, and grow up assuming that daily intoxication is the way everyone lives their life. Still others suffer from serious mental issues and find alcohol to be their medication of choice.
All of these drinkers will consistently consume cocktails which number into the double digits and beyond . More than just enjoying a buzz or needing a bit of relax, I am convinced this type of drinking represents a kind of voluntary dissociation. The drinker steps outside of themselves and becomes almost a casual observer to the situation; watching the self act in ways varying from unexpected and occasionally unacceptable to horrific and criminal. In extreme cases, the drinker can be ‘blacked out’ a term which describes literally being absent inside one’s own body with the self acting in ways totally devoid of any connection to the drinker’s authentic soul.
The bar business is built on these individuals. No restaurant or nightclub makes a profit on ‘one and dones’. No bartender makes a living on those that drink two and are through. The booze business is built on those that routinely consume four drinks or more but we don’t really acknowledge all of the associated realties and risks because…well…that takes the fun out of it.
Instead we engage in our own delusion by thinking everything will work out okay or that the money makes it all worthwhile and use denial to avoid thinking about what happens when it doesn’t.
Shutting off the occasional drunk
Three steps to cutting someone off.
Take everything…say nothing …and be ready for anything.
YOU ARE
My best advice for the worst part of the job.
SHUT
OFF!!!
First remove their drink.
When you decide to shut someone off there are a number of things you may want to do to protect yourself . The first is to remove any remaining beverage from the overserved. Although it makes absolutely no sense, I have seen people so angered by this process that they throw whatever drink they may have left at the bartender.
THROWING ANYTHING AT A BARTENDER IS COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE.
We bartenders spend half of our time with our backs turned to intoxicated patrons so we must trust you not to throw things at us (and yes, that includes coasters in an attempt to get our attention.)
However, we know that our boozers are unpredictable so most bars will include mirrors on the back wall. These mirrors allow us to keep an undercover eye on your crazy asses (when you think we aren’t looking) while we grab bottles or ring transactions.
Once you have have observed behavior that demands intervention (providing that it is your responsibility to approach the individual) remove any beverage in their hands to insure you don’t end up wearing it.
It is a mistake you will only make once!
Second say as little as possible.
Debating drinking with a drunk or arguing with an asshole is always a losing proposition. If your patron was able to hold an intellectual conversation or engage in a productive discussion you probably would not be shutting them off. Removing someone’s access to the booze and perhaps the bar itself will provoke powerful emotions which make any meaningful dialogue impossible.
No bartender likes to shut people off. Our business is about serving booze but that comes with the responsibility to not serve when warranted. When informing the ‘over served’ use as few words as possible. You are not engaging in a debate; you are enforcing the liquor policy. Develop a go-to phrase (“I am not comfortable serving you any more” or “YOUR DONE! GET OUT!”) and repeat it as necessary without engaging in any other conversation.
Why you are shutting them off is not up for discussion so do not enter into one – it will only serve to further inflame the situation by giving the boozer the illusion that they have any influence over the decision or control in the outcome.
Third…GET READY.
Since talking themselves out of being cut off and in to being served again is not an option, get ready for everything and anything. NO ONE should have to shut someone off alone so any and all backup that is available should be involved.
It is an all hands on deck situation which requires coordination and support. Management should have policies and procedures which outline what they find appropriate and how they plan to provide support in the immediate moment and going forward should any complaints follow.
Once someone is shut off management should NEVER reverse that decision. Cutting someone off is the best way to begin to limit liability and since bartenders can be personally exposed they must have the support of all staff members and ownership when making this critical decision. Make sure to let management know that you are approaching someone to cut them off and be aware of their expectations from you in the situation
After removing any glass in their hands and informing them of your decision, get ready for anything from verbal vitriol to physical aggression. The ‘over served’ are illogical, unpredictable and dangerous and when they receive word that you are intervening there is no telling what they may do.
You have been warned.
Wannabe(s) – Here’s your spot –
Wannabe at Home
Unfortunately responsibility for ‘overserved’ drinkers does not end at the bar or restaurant but extends even in to our own home. Providing alcohol to anyone other than oneself comes with huge responsibilities which are very often ignored or dismissed. BYOB (bring your own booze) does not absolve the host of liability and allowing a minor to consume booze can put you in jail. Social host laws explain the rights and responsibilities of those providing, serving, or allowing consumption of alcohol and should be considered before any alcohol is served (or left unsecured) at your home.
A Tip For My Homies
Few things are more difficult than managing a drunk in your own home. It is not only difficult but also destructive to have the responsiblity of managing drinkers who are coworkers, friends or family. In addition to the criminal and civil liability that extends to providers of alcohol, there is no escape from judgement when a booze related kerfuffle occurs. Everyone will have an opinion on the hows and whys of the situation and most will hold the party host responsible in some way (as we now know that the drinker will deny ultimate responsibility and delude others into thinking it was anyone’s fault but their own). This type of personal involvement is the BEST reason for hiring a professional to man the bar at your home function. Not only does it absolve you of a certain amount of liability but it keeps you out of the decision to shut off your boss’s wife when she falls down twerking on your neighbor’s sixteen year old son. Many a Monday morning business relationship has been ruined after an epic weekend party. Managing drinks and drunks is best left to professionals and hiring one to man you bar can be an invaluable investment should trouble occur.
Wannabe Pro
There is a lot of money to be made as a professional bartender but it can come at an unbelievably high price. Special legislation called dram shop laws govern lawsuits which result from injuries caused by drinkers who purchased their liquor from retail establishments. These laws allow for the owner of the bar or restaurant to be held responsible for the behavior of their intoxicated patron. In addition, the bartender or server can also have exposure to fines or fees which stem from the concept that they have participated or simply allowed the ‘over serving’ to occur.
Depending on where you are tending bar, insurance can be purchased to limit your liability and may offer some protection for your personal assets. This is yet another area where bartending differs from other occupations and this type of personal financial exposure should provide sufficient motivation and requisite adrenaline to effectively shut someone off when the situation demands it.
Protender Points
One of the most useful tools behind the bar is a bar book. The bar book is a simple daily calendar that can be used to keep track of any number of things pertaining to the daily activities behind the bar in a contemporaneous fashion. Daily sidework assignments should include composing and recording a simple entry about the events that went on behind the bar for each shift. For example ‘slow night…no problems’ or ‘usual Friday crowd…new drink special was a big hit’.
Should a guest require intervention, careful notes should be made on the date of the event which includes all pertinent details and any relevant information. Nothing may come of the event and the drinker may go on to drink another day with more success but in the event that a situation does occur, contemporaneous notes are invaluable.
In addition, the bar book exhibits all of the shifts where this type of intervention was not necessary and offers a more complete picture of your routine service. After you’ve tended bar for a while the shifts and customers will blend together. For this reason, even if management does not provide this type of daily record behind the bar, keeping a personal journal with a few words about each of your shifts – especially when you shut someone off – can provide critical recall if a situation occurs and you are asked about the details of what happened weeks or even months later.
Barbacks & Tenderonis
You may have gotten behind the bar because you look good or have muscles (or both) but you have an important role to play when it comes to drunks. A seasoned drinker familiar with the cutting off process and aware that they are reaching a point where this may be necessary might make a conscious effort to appear more sober when interacting with the bartender. I call this ‘squaring up’.
While you are waiting to be told what to do (and staying out of your bartender’s way) be an extra set of eyes watching the crowd. Observe your drinkers when they aren’t putting on an act for the bartender. If you see something say something BUT ONLY TO THE BARTENDER and with discretion. Allow them to handle the situation as they are the one ultimately responsible.
A Badass Basic
The fourth basic behind involves what I call ‘silent support’. Should any one of us behind the bar be forced to shut someone off all of us become involved. Normal work stops and all bartenders, barbacks and tenderonis come together to provide assistance and backup to whoever is running the show.
DO NOT engage directly with the customer.
DO NOT offer opinion or advice.
NEVER disagree with the head honcho in charge. Any problems or questions should be addressed after the situation has ended and preferably when everyone has had a chance to calm down and reflect.
MOST IMPORTANTLY … NEVER RUN AWAY! You may want to leave but once you are behind ther bar you are part of the team and owe it to your fellow staff to provide support. Stand behind the bartender as they interact with the drunkard, cross your arms in front of you and keep a serious look on your face. This is called silent support. In addition to this silent suport, if it is within the scope of your responsibilities, be ready to go if the should the situation become physical.
The fourth badass basic to master is
PROVIDE SILENT SUPPORT TO THOSE TASKED WITH THE UNPLEASANT JOB OF SHUTTING SOMEONE OFF.
So I have to know all the drinks, make all the drinks, serve all the drinks, and then be responsible for all the drunks…
WTF?
All bartenders find their own motivation but I know I speak for most of us.
Here is the inside secret to why anyone would do this for a living …
We do it for the money of course!
So you may be thinking that with all that responsibility…
Is it worth it?
Well my little bitters that will be up to you.
I can teach you how to make drinks but I can’t turn you into a bartender. After what you have learned in this lesson you may not want to be involved in the business because many people are intimidated when they discover that they may have to step in when others have checked out.
Yes some people do think that bartending is all about fun and indulgence but a few nights behind the stick will quickly disabuse you of that notion.
Even if you understand the things that can go wrong that may not be enough. Most nights will find you watching others make merry; responsible for their enjoyment but not a part of it. Spending your job watching others have a good time often makes the bartender want to spend their off hours on the other side of the bar indulging themselves after bearing witness to others doing same. In this area bartending is different from many other jobs. Accountants don’t balance books for recreation and doctors don’t go sit in the hospital cafeteria after surgery. Most people want to be away from their work to relax but for us the position of being served seems a logical pursuit having done the same for so many others.
Bartending isn’t just a job it is a lifestyle. A way of life that will find you working nights, weekends, and holidays. This means that while everyone is relaxing and recreating you will be working and watching. You will be left to booze in the middle of the night after last call or on Monday afternoons. The better you get the more you will work and the less you time you will spend with others who do not have this type of schedule This might make you bitter over time.
You will also spend time setting up and cleaning up before and after the ball doing the hard work with a mere slipper of a chance at the fun…much like Cinderella but the pumpkin coach never comes.
I have worked New Year’s Eve for over thirty years. I hadn’t had Thanksgiving dinner with my family for seventeen. Every Friday, every Saturday, holidays, Sundays of long weekends and every other day that normal people have off. One year alone I tended bar for over fifty weddings – and I worked that gig for ten years.
Why? Well if you have 150 people at a wedding and 100 of them are drinking and tipping the appropriate dollar per drink it doesn’t take long for things to add up.
After all, assuming you’ve paid attention, how many people only have one?
A true boozer like Megan Mullallly’s character Karen Walker in the old school classic Will & Grace represents true drinker mentality personified. Enjoy!
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