Lesson Two:

The 'and' Drink

The inside secret to the most requested drink.

What it is … how to make it … and why it exists.

A Bitter Lesson in BriefA Bitter Lesson at Length

Straight to the wannabe section…

Spent some time serving a drink or two?

Answer my bitter quiz questions correctly and jump to lesson three!

How do you make a vodka and tonic?

Vodka requests are answered with the type of house brand vodka found in the bartender’s well.  The house brand is a selection made by management and the drinker is indifferent to the specific choice.  Tonic is tonic water. This is a typical booze and bubbles option available in every bar.

What goes in a screwdriver?

Well vodka and orange juice.  A screwdriver is a typical booze and juice combo that is available at every bar.  Unless a call brand of vodka is requested the house brand is used for the entire family of vodka drinks (screwdriver, madras, cape cod, etc.)  Every bartender should know the vodka family of booze and juice combos.

How do you pour a 7 and 7?

Seagram’s 7 is a specific or call brand of whiskey  with the other 7 standing for 7 up. Requesting a  call brand lets the bartender know the particular spirit that the drinker wants as opposed to asking for the generic whiskey which will get you the brand found in th speed well chosen by management. 7 and 7 is another common booze and bubbles combo.

Do you know what's in a Scarlet O'Hara?

Southern Comfort whiskey and cranberry juice.  Not all drinks are identified by brand name and mixer but still represent simple combinations of booze and juice or bubbles. All bartenders should stive to know as many of these cocktail collaborations as possible.

What do all of these drinks have in common?

They are all ‘and’ drinks.  A common misunderstanding of bartending is that it is all about making drinks so knowing a million different drinks is the hardest part of the job.  That is not the case at all.  The majority of drinks are ‘and’ drinks: simple combinations of liquor (either general or specific) and mixers that are standard in all bars. To make things easier, most bars bar display the variety of call brands that are available.  Rows of spirit options arranged on the back bar is a common configuration used for both communication and convenience.

It also serves as a kind of alter that all of us drinkers visit religiously.

Aced my quiz?  Nothing for you to see here! Bounce on to the next bitter quiz and try your luck there.

half face of woman in artistic portrait

 

I can’t tell you how many times some fool has asked me if I know how to make some obscure or random drink.

I’ll hustle over to find out what kind of tasty beverage they would like and they’ll start…

“Hey Bitter…do you know what’s in a campari apple fennel aperitif’?” “How about a  blue raspberry            hurricanarita?” “Bet you don’t know what’s in a screaming purple slut!”

 

Well friend first of all this isn’t a conversation about what I know it is an exchange about what you want            SO GET TO IT!

Second, obviously you are asking since you don’t know so WHO GONNA CHECK ME BOO?

Third, what’s in the drink is what I say is in it because I  stand between you and your good time  (gesturing to bottles displayed on the back bar) so DON”T PISS ME OFF.

Can you imagine walking in to a bank and quizzing  the teller on her ability to,  for example,  calculate the annual interest on an IRA?  Especially if you not only had no idea how to do it yourself and didn’t have one but were counting on her to get it and do it right?  Of course not!  Having spent several decades behind the bar,  I do know every worthy cocktail and how to make it but the fact is that the majority of drinks follow a very simple formula of booze and juice or booze and bubbles and it has nothing to do with making drinks and everything to do with drinking drinks.

Behind every bar, whether fancy or plain, a few key elements are always the same.

First there’s the ice in a well with the scoop.

Above that hang glasses which facilitates a loop

of grab glass, fill with ice, make the drink and repeat.

Broken glass and ice cubes must never meet.

                               Now that we know how and where the ice goes                               lets consider the liquor arranged in the rows.

  The placement of which is never haphazard.

         In addition to these choices  there are also some standards.

 

 

And so every drinker …

as each bar is the same …

can look for their favorite and request it by name!

Let’s learn some more  barlingo so we know what our drinkers are looking at and calling for:

vodka and tonic with lemon wedge under disco ball

well drinks

The lingo for some drink requests involves standards that are found behind every bar. In addition to the ice well there is also the speed well .  The speed well is a collection of liquor options that are available in every bar.  Although the exact collection of liquor in the speed well varies every well should contain the usual suspects of  vodka, gin, rum, tequila and triple sec.   The exact brand of the booze is not specific and most often represents choices that are the least expensive.

When a guests asks for a vodka and tonic they are letting you know that they don’t care what specific type of vodka you use . The bartender would pour whatever vodka is in the speed well add tonic water and perhaps a lime then move on.

These generic requests (think jeans  as opposed to Levis’) are usually the cheapest drinks that are available so if you ever see “well drinks for five bucks” you know that you can have one of those standard well liquor options but you can not have a specific or call choice.

 

bottles of liquor on back bar

call drinks

Call drinks are those where a specific brand of liquor is requested or ‘called’ for.  In these cases a  particular brand of spirit is substituted for the generic equivalent. Learning the lingo involves knowing your call choice options.  For example an Absolut and tonic, a Grey Goose and tonic, or a Kettle One and tonic are all just vodka and tonics with a specific brand called for as the vodka.

The display of liquor bottles that greets a visitor as they enter a bar is the way it communicates what specific call options are available.   In addition to the fact that most drinkers like to stare at liquor while they are drinking liquor, this consistent format allows for them to make their selection and be ready for their bartender when their bartender is ready for them.

In a busy bar this is essential!

Knowing the barlingo about standard mixers and learning the call options that your bar has available tells you all you need to know. The entire drink recipe is revealed in these simple combinations.  To further make things easier different brands of the same spirit are grouped together.  So all of your call vodkas are in one place on the back bar and your call whiskeys are in another.  Once you learn the layout you can search  the appropriate section for the particular option that has been  requested.

overhead view of bottles on back bar

premium spirits

In addition to call brands being grouped together by type of booze, most bars place higher priced spirits at graduated levels. So if you are looking for a specific cognac or single malt scotch (both of which are will cost more than a vodka and tonic) look on the higher shelves.  Before POS (point of sale) systems liquors were often arranged in levels of well, call, and top or premium price designations. The well choices being least expensive, the call choices next, and premium being the most.  These days learning the lingo for these top shelf choices involves simply knowing how to spell the name of the spirit so that the POS can get you the corresponding  price.

Premium spirits generally come in distinctive or decorative bottles which form the usual backdrop of most bars.  Keeping least expensive choices ‘under cover’ in the speed well and displaying the exclusive and expensive choices on the top shelves is a standard and successful bar aesthetic which also keeps the alcohol used the most at the ready for quick and easy access.  Premium choices are used less often so their placement at the top level is not inconvenient.  In addition these premium choices represent much more cost should an accident occur so keeping them out of the fray in case of mishap is a winning formula.

In general the more exclusive the spirit is the less mixer is used. Premium and top shelf choices are so because of distinctive and proprietary practices that result in specific flavors which the drinker is looking forward to enjoying. Fine scotches are served neat or with a single cube so as to fully enjoy all of the different flavor profiles; making a scotch sour with a fourteen year old single malt?

Drink sacrilege!

 

colorful martini with cup and straws on bar

mixed drinks

Of course each and every drink is not easily identified by obvious barlingo.  A bartender should know certain mixed drinks (like the screwdriver) and should make every attempt to learn more cocktails during each shift. A complete encyclopedia of drink recipes should  develop over time which shows one reason why a good memory  behind the bar is essential.

These mixed drinks and the barlingo that goes with them form the basis of a bartender’s education. You learn it and take it with you to the next bar you get behind.  Each drinker may have a specific tweak or twist for their specific cocktail, but learning drink recipes and  knowing how to execute them optimally constitutes a very important aspect of an experienced bartender’s resume.

As well as these common mixed drinks, many places will have specialty cocktails of their own.  These creative cocktails perhaps made by inhouse mixologists or developed by management and/or outside consultants represent proprietary bartending specific to the immediate environment.  The master mixologists who spend their time working on these choices  will be quite specific in how the drink should be executed so you simply need to do it exactly as instructed and then forget about it completely once you leave that establishment.

Often displayed on drink menus these proprietary cocktails should be mastered for consistency so that each and every bartender is preparing and presenting the drink exactly as it is described.

The  ‘Go-To’ Drink

Every drinker has one.

How a drinker comes to find the combo that works as a result of what combos have not.

The making of a go-to drink:

Many drinkers find their way to a favorite simple ‘and’ drink combination.

This allows for consistent enjoyment,  (somewhat) predictable outings, and is often more the result of  what doesn’t work than what does.

 

This combination becomes their go-to  drink.

woman on knees at bathroom stall toilet

Why a simple combination?

There are all kinds of drinkers and many can be classified by the number of cocktails they routinely enjoy.  You’ll have your ‘one and done’, your ‘two and through’ and your ‘three’s for me’ all of whom can be cavalier about their drink choices and for the most part be okay.  However, many boozers routinely enjoy cocktails which could move into double digits if counted carefully (yes, shots count!) and perhaps well into the teens if we are in the company of professional drinkers (AKA functioning alcoholics).  These boozers must be very careful in their choices for many reasons but most important is the way multiple drinks sit together in the stomach. I won’t be graphic but the wrong combinations can result in being sick immediately, intensely and invariably.

As a result, the majority of drinks are simple combinations of booze and juice or booze and bubbles (soda) and most boozers will drink the same combo all night.

Don’t believe me?  Have a couple of margaritas and than end with a white russian.   Feel free call me in a few days when you can hold down solid food again.

 

 

man with hands on head after drinking party

The making of a never again list.

Drinking many cocktails routinely and developing  the necessary tolerance does not just happen and it is certainly not a success only journey.  While many will start off drinking vodka (what I call ‘everybody’s friend) most will experiment will the full array of spirits.  Those of us who will drink ‘four more’ know that these experiments are not always successful.

These drinking failures can run the gamut from fighting to vomiting, acting out or acting up, and popping back up the day to drink again versus having a horrific hangover with days of regret.  Like the dedicated drinkers we are, we don’t stop drinking (this is not an option even worth considering) but rather we single out the particular spirit that we were drinking when disaster occurred and promise ourselves to never drink THAT again.

Over time, as events dictate, individual spirits are outlawed and the never again list is formed.

party girl with martini

The resulting go-to drink.

As the list of never again booze grows (and almost in equal measure) other simple drink combinations result in happy times and painfree days.  For example someone might add Southern Comfort to their never again list because it makes them fight or tequila might be listed because it operates like truth serum; removing the layer of polite awareness are resulting in making others cry.

At the same time a drinker might develop a love for the Swedish vodka Absolut and find that combining it with coke provides for a clean, caffeinated, predictable buzz which can be enjoyed at length.  This drinker knows that Absolut is almost always a call options and that coke is a standard ‘bubble’  or soda option so this combo can be found everywhere. Having this go-to option will (hopefully) ensure a successful (or at least tolerable) next day and keep others from crying or getting punched during the evening.  Also since this drinker is me, it allows me to get right back behind the bar the next day.  Ever try to pour Sambuca after a night drinking homebrewed Ouzo?  Ouch!

Wannabe(s )- Here’s your spot –

Wannabe at Home

Although measurement is quite specific behind a pro bar, my wannabe(s) at home can employ a simple formula of fifty fifty,  After filling the glass completely with ice, pouring a half and half mixture of liquor and mixer should yield a perfectly fine result.

Vodka, everybody’s friend, should be the first thing in the home bar.  It is the most palatable of  spirit choices and can be combined with almost any mixer to take your evening from straight to not as soon as you pop that bottle!

A Tip For My Homies

Bartending at home is a lot of fun and the more the merrier mentality can often lead to a wild bunch making merry in your living room.  A very smart hostess – with impeccable taste, an incredible home full of expensive things, and the soul of a bartender – once told me a secret.   She only served clear drinks to her guests – no exception.  Her offerings would include premium brands of vodka and gin,  7up, soda and tonic water, and a dry and sweet wine or champagne – none of which would leave a stain if spilt by some random boozer.  She told me it was for her guest’s protection: spilling something clear on her $27,000 sofa would get you tossed out …spill red wine?  Certain death.

 

 

 

 

 

 

smiling bartender leaning on counter

Wannabe Pro

Many a professional bartender has been told of the value of upselling. This is the practice of moving drinkers from well spirits up the ladder to call or premium choices.  Example: “A vodka martini? wouldn’t you rather Absolut or even better Grey Goose?” The theory being that this will raise the cost of the drink, the check total, and the bartender’s tip (as a fixed percentage of check total).

I take exception to this practice.  I embrace exactly what my guests like and impress them with my dedication to the  particular details and the careful execution of their favorite drink. They feel welcome and appreciated which results in my being rewarded in big tips not check percentages. My people know that I am dedicated to their unique enjoyment not working a script to push pennies and up the check total.  As we now know, most drinkers have a go-to drink and while I am always ready and willing to offer suggestions when asked, I am aware and  appreciate drinker mentality.

The people that spend money and appreciate high end hospitality don’t need to be hustled like they’re buying a used car.

Protender Points

All protenders know that tip money earned behind the bar is a direct result of  speed and skill.  Skill has many different areas of development but speed involves fewer. The ability to work at a consistent fast pace is a job requirement; you must have third gear and the agility to control and contain your movements in a small space.

The only other way to improve you speed is to use both hands.  I call this independent ambidexterity.  Not only should both hands be able to perform all tasks but they should also be capable of doing two different unrelated tasks.  Not so that both can pour liquor but so you can pour liquor with one hand and and work the soda gun with the other or one grab a glass with one while the other scoops the ice.

I was a toddler champion at ‘pat your head/rub your stomach’ then went on to check membership club ID’s with one hand while twirling a lifeguard whistle with the other. Since then I have determined that the best way to practice idependent ambidexterity is to tie both of your sneakers in double knots and simultaneously untie them.

Bartending takes amazing speed…

USE BOTH HANDS whenever possible!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Barbacks & Tenderonies

You may have gotten behind the bar because you look good or have muscles (or both) but you can  instantly be of use simply by knowing what not to do.

Do not touch the booze.  For reasons we will get into, all liquor behind a pro bar is measured and monitored.  A bottle of single malt scotch can easily represent hours of house profit and –  though I am sure you would be sorry if you broke it – don’t handle it unless you have a hundred bucks to replace it.

Getting behind the bar does not mean you are the bartender.  Do not handle liquor.  Do not take orders.  Do not pour beers or sodas or ice waters.  Although you may think you are helping you are mostly getting in the way.  Instead be pleasant and available; waiting to be told what to do,  happily executing the task, and then return to pleasant waiting mode.

A Badass Basic

The second basic behind the bar deals with the work enviroment.  Rare is the bar with any space behind it.  Most are narrow passages full of breakable objects interspersed with hard, metal, hip banging edges.  The space is intimate and when you combine that with speed contact is inevitable.

If you find yourself behind the bar due to looks,  muscles, or both please be aware of your surroundings.  Move out of your bartender’s way – hugging the wall if necessary.  Do not move about as if the bartender moves out of your way – that is not the case and can result in an awkward side to side dance which is unproductive.  As time goes by and the skill is developed most pros move behind the bar with graceful symmetry but it takes time and intent.

In the meanwhile, all hospitality people should know that when you are moving in or behind someone in these narrow spaces you should say ‘behind you’ so that your coworker is aware of your presence and can accommodate.  We don’t have eyes in the back of our head so communication is essential to insure that contact – which is  going to happen in such confined spaces – is as limited as possible.

The second badass basic to master is

BE CONSCIOUS OF YOUR SPACE.

 

 

 

 

 

 

black haired beauty with secret shush finger

So I learn all about the ‘and’ drinks and the barlingo which provides the clues, I get back there behind the stick and here comes some loser asking me for a ‘moscow mule’? Where’s the Moscow?  Who’s got the mule?

WTF?

There will be mixed drinks to remember and cocktails to learn but you’ll be pleased to know that many are just ‘and’ drinks in disguise – somtimes with a specific look or accessories.

Here is the inside secret to a hidden booze and bubbles combo with a distinctive costume …

copper cup with mint, lime, and a straw

The moscow mule is a popular drink which requires a distinctive copper cup to be presented correctly.  Despite it’s obscure name, a moscow mule is a simple combination of vodka and ginger beer. This booze and bubbles combination should be garnished with a lime wedge and a mint sprig.

While vodka is a standard behind every bar ginger beer is not as ubiquitous.  Mint can be seasonal and is not always available.  As far as copper cups are concerned, this type of glassware has very specific purpose and, although increasingly prevalent, is also not a bar standard.

Keeping these factors in mind, the moscow mule is still a simple combo of booze and bubbles;  an undercover ‘and’ drink with the distinctive costume of copper,  lime and mint!

 

 

 

So you may be thinking, okay Bitterella,  you know something about drinks but…

What’s with the attitude?

All right darlings listen carefully.  Do not confuse a requisite amount of attitude with a lack of hospitality.  Badass bartenders maintain the absolute highest standards of excellence when it comes to skill and craft but don’t get it twisted…selling booze isn’t selling shoes.

A bartender must never lose sight of the fact that they are filling up human beings with intoxicants.  I often say that drinking brings out everyone’s inner asshole – how long and how much it takes to get there and what happens when you arrive varies but trust me everyone has it in them.  Since this is so there will be the occasional asshole wrangling. 

The attitude is a wrangling skill.

I can promise you that (like all badass bartenders) my ability to provide the highest level of service is undisputed.  My hospitality has been compared to a 400 count sheet set; something that is not only seen but also felt. I am dedicated to the enjoyment of my guests; exceeding their expectations and developing a personal relationship (that ends at last call of course).

I have also shut people off, kicked people out, broken up fights and taken away several sets of car keys…and that was last Friday!

 

lady in black hat sipping cocktail

Now that you know what you are in for you ask  youself…is this for me?  Bartending is unique in that you must provide a level of service while also understanding that your guests may be losing control.  When these unpredictable things happen are you able to take responsibility and step in, doing whatever is necessary, as part of your job? There is a reason why the workplace does not (usually) come with a fully stocked bar!  As well, most environments don’t involve a transfer of personal control.  Can you imagine if an overextended consumer shopping for yet another pair of designer shoes was approached by the shopkeeper, removed of her Manolos and escorted to the door?

My attitude is buttressed by an exceptional level of service and total dedication to the art of hospitality but I have been behind the bar my whole life so I know what’s up and I know what can go down.

It wouldn’t be right for me to only show half of the equation, so the question is:

Now that you know a little about drinks and a bit about drinkers…do  you have the makings of badass bartender?

Watch Tom Cruise in the quintessential bartending movie COCKTAIL standing in while being annoyed and  harassed

– almost driven to rage – by the  undercover ‘and’ drink the cuba libre.

4 Comments

  1. Rob Normandin

    Awesome sight looks amazing

    Reply
  2. Kat

    I don’t usually write comments but I love how you teach and inform. I came here through a reddit comment and I just wanna say thank you, I’m a beginner bartender!!!

    Reply
    • bitterella

      Thank you for taking the time to comment and best of luck behind the bar!

      Reply

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